How do you tell your neighbors that you came home tonight and were stared down by a giant raccoon on their roof? How do you explain that the furry juggernaut took one blink into your flashlight and then Jackie Channed into their chimney, or so you think.

They are nice enough people but they don’t speak a lot of English. We learned this when a storm took out a wooden fence between our properties and the replacement fence turned out to be a 10 foot high cinder block job that nobody saw coming. Nobody. Not even them.

If we tell them about the raccoon, there will likely be some kind of cement grizzly bear statue ricochet.

Also, raccoons are bigger than you think. How come nobody told me this? Did I accidentally build you a 10 foot cement fence?