March 2012
17 posts
We were sitting in traffic and I spotted a vanity plate. “PZZYCAT.”
Since I am genetically predisposed to annoyingly read things out loud to nobody (thanks mom), I said “puzzy cat” in a drunk rapper voice and pointed.
Mr. Zoom asked me “Do you see what kind of car it is on?” I did see the car, but as for make and model of anything? Too much thinking, too...
February 2012
14 posts
@whiteysplace
I can tell how freaked out he is by his rate of grandpa speak divided by volume. Nattering usually indicates a 7 on the wonk-a-meter.
1 tag
I Don't Even.
I was at the salon and talking to my hair stylist about her kids. They are 7 and 10. I love hearing her stories about their school, birthday parties, baseball, stuff like that. It gives me some pre-information for when my nieces get older. Except that both of hers are boys.
“Oh,” she said rather pensively. “Both of them are now sleepwalking.”
“Whaaaat? What...
The sun went down, the raccoon came back. This critter doesn’t even know that rule about not calling for a few days.
Now I’m going to have to answer “How was your weekend” questions with “Oh, bought some synthetic coyote and fox pee at the hardware store. Trying to get rid of a raccoon, like you do. Yours?”
We’ll be applying the canister of chemical...
1 tag
I got caught in the rain today at lunch. I had all of the tools to handle it, just none of the skill. The second I opened my umbrella it flipped inside-out. I even opened it facing the wind so that wouldn’t happen, yet there I was, holding a Lawn Dart pointed at my head.
This happened in front of lots and lots of people, too. So the obvious solution was for me to go full monkey fuck...
The only thing Mr. Zoom wanted to know is "Are...
I was sitting at my desk, absorbed as usual in my attempts not to ReplyToAll on accident. I heard a voice behind me. “I need to share something with you,” it said. I swiveled around to see my next door cube mate with her hands on the top button of her button down shirt. She moved so close to me that the buttons on her shirt went out of focus. I am nearsighted. ”I...
I think Santa is my first cousin, once removed.
Last night I saw my uncle (and aunt) on my dad’s side of the family, who I hadn’t seen in thirty years. There are so many reasons for this, none of which are sensational.
My brother and his pregnant wife were there. Thankfully, as we all got reacquainted the issue of naming my brother’s arriving-in-June baby became a good solid topic.
“We aren’t settled on a name...
Name a better way to end a day that started with...
Because there are only so many virginities that a girl can stand having taken away in a day.
@inthefade replied to your post
Hey, that dude was in Straylight Run. He Tweeted at me last week.
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I’m the worst fan ever. I should know all of the nuances of Nate and co. but I don’t, beyond The Format times. I think I was afraid of looking directly at it too hard, making it run back into its hidey hole. As far as...
3 tags
WHAT?
My favorite little indie band with the crappiest name for the google age ever has a song in a car commercial?
Fun.
That’s their band name. They were The Format, but they broke up the second I scooped up all of their albums. Then they came back as Fun.
I’m so sexcited for them. YAY! I know the song was done on Glee already and all but this will get so many more people following...
Mr. Zoom asked if I thought marriage was difficult. Since we were on the couch and I had a fully charged, functioning iPad in my lap, I said “No.”
One second later he farted, then turned to me and asked “How about now?”