December 2011
21 posts
Christmas Eve dinner at my mom and dad’s house was about to get legendary. My brother and his new wife were there, with her parents, and Mr. Zoom and his mom were there too. When the conversation turned to politics my brother left the table for a minute.
He came back and put a box in front of my mom, and a box in front of his wife’s mom. “This isn’t a huge Christmas gift,...
@terrybain
Yup. Nice recognition skills. I’m here waiting out Mr. Zoom’s tolerance for last minute existence.
I’m trying to wrap a gift for someone at work. I get into a situation where strands of my hair, dust bunnies and a paper clip are stuck to all of the tape I’ve just tried to use.
Me, to the back of husband’s head: “Ugh. I think this tape is hosed. It must have gotten cooked during a heat wave, because all of the stick is all over the place.”
Husband, without even...
“HAVE YOU TRIED PICKLEDONGS4?” I heard myself screaming into the phone.
I knew that wasn’t the password, but by this time it was beyond salvaging the situation. 10 minutes prior I had picked up a phone call from my mom on her cell phone. Mom’s cell phone may as well be a drive-thru speaker box for all the understandability that comes in and out of it. Combine that with...
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We carpool since we work in the same office. When we come home from work, Mr. Zoom has a ritual he has to perform before he will go into the house. Normally I bring my own keys so he can go flip the mailbox door some magic number of times and I’m already face down in a bag of chips by the time he comes through the door.
Tonight I didn’t have my keys. Tonight it was cold outside and I...
Have you ever seen anything more ridiculous than a husband trying to comfort his hysterical wife because she lost an S.O.S. cleaning biscuit in the toilet - as in all the way down the bad pipe of the toilet - because she’s been using those things for years and they float and she’s never ever clogged a toilet with an S.O.S. pad before and she feels really really stupid?
Me either.
...
"I'm the son of God, who the fuck are you?"
I watched a bunch of movies today.
Mr. Zoom and I did a lot of running around this past week. In one particular sequence we went to the ATM and then faced with a late hour and exhausted bodies, we shot through a drive-thru for an unhealthy dinner. Upon his checking the bag before we drove away, I heard the most defeated sigh I’ve ever heard come out of Mr. Zoom. I figured they had...
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Why I'll Never Rule The World. Or Even The Park...
We SoCalians woke up to a morning that was so cold that our SoCal eyeballs could not read the temperature on the digital thermostat. Nor would our ears understand the words on the morning T.V. show weather report. Mr. Zoom had to Mythbusters me out of the bed. I shower first.
Shower warm Shower good. Our shower door allows one inside to see shapes walking by. Shapes that one can only hope are...
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There was only one place for us to sit. Right next to a table with two men. The older man teetering on old status was wearing a fedora, a hounds tooth jacket and a carefully lain red scarf around his neck. The other one was your default 40 year old guy in a long sleeve button up shirt, jeans and a pair of Chucks.
My lunch companion was a stunning woman who draws attention everywhere she goes. I...