I Fall Down Stairs
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Occam’s Razor v. A Box of Hair

One of the 4 people I work for went on vacation. Management encouraged me to straighten that person’s office because we had all been uprooted for re-carpeting a month ago, and this person’s office was still in boxes. I’m always happy to have a project that allows me to throw boxes around.

So while I’m doing this, a bunch of endorsed checks fall out onto the floor. And I mean a lot of checks, and not exactly tiny amounts of money, either. And some of them were as old as October of 2013. So of course, OF COURSE I reasoned that my boss person was a combination of unhinged, a spy, in witness protection, a drug dealer, mafia member, or other secret society/profession that uses or needs a cover.

I gathered the checks, put them in an envelope and tucked them in this person’s desk drawer so when they came back from spy school, they could deposit the checks. Because the only way to keep myself safe and alive now that the secret was all over me, was to make sure I was profitable $$! And it would cost more to deal with me via secret lasers or regular murder-y type techniques. So not worth it.

Then I went home. I caught a commercial on t.v. that I’ve seen approximately 345,673 times. It was all about how a bank (most banks) has an app (again, everyone but under rock home owners is aware) that allows one to snap a picture of a check and edeposit it. All light bulbs on Earth turned on and floated towards my head. My boss person must do that! That’s why all of the endorsed checks laying around.

Occam’s Razor is nifty and all, but what happens when the person trying to apply it is as smart as a box of hair? Spies and witness protection happen.

Nothing defines me more than when I’ve come home from surprise after work drinks and all of the photos of the neon martini glass I was so entertained by, are blurry.

Nothing defines me more than when I’ve come home from surprise after work drinks and all of the photos of the neon martini glass I was so entertained by, are blurry.

YAY

I just sneezed, and did not have to apologize for scaring anyone.

Struggle

I used to be a person who thought she understood divorce, without having gone through divorce. Almost everyone I knew had experienced it and I am a child of divorce. My brother, divorced very soon after his first marriage. It was brutal.

And in the years ago I had been through the break up of a significant relationship or two of my own. Aside from the paper and the ceremony not existing and having to be dissolved, it was what one might expect. Rough for a time, but nothing out of the realm of what most might empathetically expect.

How could I not have a well rounded grip on what it feels like? Further to this, I felt like because I do not hold religious beliefs, that the burden of reconciling it with such things was entirely removed. Which it is.

But now being in the throes of my own divorce, I am daily stunned by the depths and frequency of the surprises this experience is throwing at me. Mostly, these come at the most mundane times, the sentences spoken by others or myself that are necessary and innocent on the surface, yet cheese gratingly painful to my unexpecting existence at that moment.

It is relatively new still, 4 months into the process. Mutual friends and work colleagues/friends do not know. We work for the same company, yet different departments and nearly 10 floors separate us. We are protecting each other in this by keeping it out of the office environment. And we have done an excellent job at that, as nobody has ceased referencing us as a pair or noticed that we are utilizing the firm’s interoffice delivery system to exchange small items, like spare keys to each other’s vehicles.

I wanted to be surrounded by strangers last night. I went to a movie alone. It was a great movie, and I laughed several times. I got in my car to drive home at 11pm, and I broke out in body waves of sobs. I do not know what the trigger was, I just know that it was probably the most incapacitating thing I have ever felt next to the death of someone or some animal I love. And in my previous life, solo film was my dependable cure for all things.

I drove home trying to keep a grip on the steering wheel. I woke today, exhausted from sleeping.

I think I’m holding on way too hard to the steering wheel.